| |
Bertram31.com General Bulletin Board
Headlines from the year 2034
Posted By: Sean Burlingham
Date: Tuesday, 16 May 2006, at 6:24 p.m.
Ozone created by electric cars still killing millions in the 7th largest country in the world, Mexifornia (formerly known as California). White minorities are still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language, to no avail.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
The last ten remaining Fundamentalist Muslims in the world die in Bushra, East Texas (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon). Cause of death: nine of the Muslims were blown up by a bomb worn by the tenth.
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica, U.N. unresponsive.
Castro finally dies at age 115; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
The average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
During a huge ceremony, Massachusetts executes the last known remaining conservative, and the last known remaining heterosexual left in the state.
Meanwhile the Supreme Court rules that the punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
The Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
IRS lowers the flat-tax rate slightly, to 75 percent.
Florida voters, with an average age of 93, are still having trouble with voting machines.
| |
Bertram31.com General Bulletin Board is maintained by Patrick McCrary with WebBBS 5.12.